_For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it (Matthew 16:25).
I stumbled across this verse in my morning devotions the other day. I have enjoyed meditating on this verse before, but that particular morning it was a refreshing drink that the Lord knew I needed. Often, I find myself thinking about my family and missing them. With Micah's birthday coming up soon I wish I were closer to my family for the big day. Sometimes it can be so easy to get my eyes off the goal of why we are here in training. I've been thinking "is living for Christ really worth it?"
Last semester many of the chapel speakers emphasized counting the costs in cross cultural tribal work. I heard stories of sickness, injuries, loneliness, culture shock, extremely difficult languages, hot and humid climates, unstable governments, large snakes, hairy spiders, and on and on. I found myself trying to absorb everything. At times I felt overwhelmed.
Over Christmas break I had a good time of relaxation and meditation in God's Word. I was able to think over the last semester and all that had taken place in my heart and mind. I tried to imagine my family just staying in the states, but I couldn't even begin too. It was as if God was saying, "No, Rachelle I want you to be willing to go."
When we returned to Missouri on January 2nd Neil and I began to get ourselves ready for a new semester. A few days after we returned we watched the movie Taken (a story about a girl who is kidnapped into the sex trade in Europe). As I watched this movie I felt enraged by the fact that this practice is happening right now in many countries. I thought of the women in bondage to such dark evil. I cried for their pain and I prayed that Christ would come back soon to deliver us and them from the consequences of sin. I pleaded for Him to return. Then a slow realization spread over me. Why would I want to pursue a life of ease when there are so many in need of the freedom which God's truth could provide, If only they knew it! Why not take on illness, injury, culture shock, and unpleasant reptiles for a chance to be used by God to spread the light of Truth to a dark and lonely place? I felt sudden pride that I serve a God who can take me, such a simple, imperfect human being, and use me as a tool in His larger purpose. I felt at that moment that my question from last semester had been answered: Is it really worth it? To that I am starting to think yes! There are so many who need to hear. Why not test the door to see if God will swing it open?
With these thoughts in mind I am starting my second semester. I know that I will continue to have doubts, But I feel as if I have broken through a wall in my mind.
Christ has given me life in Him, hope for His coming, and a purpose for the future. I want to share His blessings with others.